Mindful Conversations

In my business it’s really important to listen carefully when others speak. Conceptually this sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it?  Not as easy as you’d think. Imagine being able to eavesdrop in on business meetings, be the fly on the wall, or simply an unseen objective listener – privy to the interaction from both sides of conversations. As the observer, its possible to identify dysfunctional communication occurring - from both sides. So from a business perspective, as salespeople, it's important important to review our own habits.

During a conversation, more than a few of us mentally leapfrog ahead while the other party is speaking. Our eyeballs are locked in, but in truth we’re planning on what we want to say, or how we should respond, instead of being in the moment while we listen to our client’s concerns.  For me, managing a mindful conversation has been one of my biggest business challenges. My guess is that this will be a life-long journey.

It becomes even more problematic because, lacking anything remotely close to a photographic memory; I’m forced to take notes – lots of them. So, instead of truly being at one in a shared conversation, I find myself multi-processing (difficult for me), which in essence degrades my true comprehension of the dialogue in play.

Some people are uncomfortable being recorded, so notes and confirming questions are how I manage to capture and retain the most salient points of a business conversation. Confirming my understanding of the discussion points seems to score points with my clients. It’d be great if I’d been born with a rewind button allowing me to reach back and review key conversations. But I can’t, hence the note taking.
Many salespeople seem to have an overdeveloped speech gene. We talk too much, often attempting to over-control a conversation. It’s almost a compulsion, I know, I'm cursed with it. We become so passionate about our message we run the risk of overwhelming the listener with our point of view. 

It’s ironic.  Intellectually, we know that we can communicate much more effectively when we slow our conversational pace, conducting via internal content review, the words of another before responding. Without this content review , it's very possible to become so over-enthusiastic that we diminish our own message. Sometimes verbal response isn’t necessary, or even appropriate. This is where many have struggled. People - particularly salespeople, communicate much better after taking the time to think about the subject at hand.

After telling me for years that I speak without listening, my wife guided me towards a helpful source – she loaned me a copy of The Art of Power written by the Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh. My wife encouraged me to learn to be mindful, “about what?” I’d ask. “Just read the book.”  I learned
that mindfulness can be applied to many aspects of business, and life.

Thich Nhat Hanh teaches to “be in the moment,” it sounds religious (it’s not), but it is spiritual – eastern, calm and seemingly impossible. Personally, there seems to be way too much activity going on in my mind, to fully appreciate the concept. They call it “monkey mind.” I call it struggling with my demons. But relaxing (meditating) before, and during a business meeting is like taking medicine without the pills. 

Thich Nhat Hanh has written a number of pieces that explores the importance of relaxation. He suggests we can all learn to be mindful in our thoughts and actions. When I’m considering a client’s needs I find that in a business situation, when I am able to effectively block outside distractions – I’m being mindful, and as a result  I’m able to do a much better job. Here’s the conundrum, most of us stumble through work and life assaulted by ongoing distractions and don’t even realize it. Sometimes it takes a vacation on the beach and a couple of drinks with tiny parasols in them to realize how stressed many of us are.  The notion of learning to be calm – even briefly, is hugely beneficial.

For salespeople, calmness can bring clarity to one’s thoughts and optimal results for one’s efforts. These results represent a tactical improvement – and for some, a clear advantage. When I consider the conversational dance that we engage in for the pursuit of business, it’s quite clear to me that if people can learn to listen more carefully, the character of their thoughts will find their way into words that are situationally more applicable, while impacting interpretation and outcome.

I’ve seen instances in business where the act of modeling mindful listening influences the other party to also practice better conversational behavior. Thoughtful dialogue allows participants a chance to slow down, relax and align. A point of clarity may emerge, providing individuals, whether they’re speaking or listening, the space to expand perspectives, blending ideas and mutually building upon them – an intellectual chain of events resulting in mutual gain. 

Discussions consisting of shared concepts can illustrate thoughtful ideas and words. Mindful listening and speaking helps eliminate barriers, enhance learning, and afford others the opportunity to consider your ideas.